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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the reliable retreat of your Daily, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to discover that a prominent writer a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated an official from the local fire department. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame playing for City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to access the restrooms during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to take care of the first team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|